Crash - A poem

A split second is all it takes,
As foot hits hard upon the brakes,
Tyres squeal as car begins to slide,
Yet you know, you will collide!

Time seems now to flow so slow,
As if each second takes a minute to go,
Each and every detail you do spy,
Is now etched deep into your minds eye!

Slow motion picture now unfolds,
Your agonized attention it now holds,
The face before you horror filled,
The woman you know you will have killed!

Blonde haired, the face of a Mother?
Blue eyed, perhaps someones sensual lover?
Smooth soft skin, does she use face cream?
Red glossed lips now open in silent scream!

Adrenalin pumps into your blood,
Heart rate soars, yet does no good,
Body reacts and starts to shake,
Dread now makes your insides quake!

Mass of machines coming together,
As though tied with invisible tether,
Like wild animals trying to mate,
Sensual and erotic if not for fate!

Cars collide, metal on metal,

Ripping open like some exotic petal,
Shattered side window, glass takes flight,
Catching myriad gleams in the light!

Horn blaring, glass shatters, metal screaming,
Oh how you wish you were only dreaming!
Shock of impact jars you to the bone,
Against your seatbelt you are thrown!

Now inside you begin to scream,
As her head comes forth to hit windscreen,
Dull thud heard as forehead now hits,
Bones crushed, skin slowly splits!

Whiplash throws her back into the seat,
Yet you know she's not complete,
Her life is gone, her spirit departed,
She's moved on to realms uncharted!

Misshapen now is her forehead,
Evidence of impact that left her dead
Crimson blood trickles down her face,
Drops dripping to stain collar of lace!

A split second is all it took,
For you these lives to unhook,
You can cry until you are hoarse,
But nothing will now slake your remorse!

Suzanne Read
5th December 2010

Inspired by a slippery drive to work

Sleeping Dragons and Other bits n bobs!

Sleeping Dragons

Under the ground in hollow hill,

Sleeps the Dragons, living still,

Heartbeats so very very slow,

So their presence few will know!

Mighty race once so strong and proud,

Flew the winds and roared so loud!

Now they lie oh so stiff,

Oft mistaken for a cliff!

Around them now slopes have grown,

Horns mistaken for standing stone,

Nostril seen as a cave,

But dont go in, unless your brave!

Past deeds now reduced to Myths,

In the forgetfullness of times mists,

Once again they could return,

What upheaval that would churn!

Awareness locked in endless dream,

Yet nothing be quite as it seem!

Neath the lonely autumn sky,

Sleeps the dragons, who know why!

Suzanne Read 18th November 2010

Greetings all, dont worry, I havent abandoned the blog, just been called to put my efforts into my writings of late, so I've been posting some of my poetry on Deviant Art, see my profile for the full set of recent works!

Ill post a quick one today, as mundane life is intruding atm, we've a new cooker being delivered and a guy to speak to about our mortgage, its possible we can reduce the cost a bit, so its worth looking at now we are no longer on a fixed rate!

Ill post another couple of poems below here for you to look at, all feedback gratefully received, and if you dont feel this is the place for them, then let me know and I wont post them in future!

I was a Warrior, Once Before

by ~RavenSummerisle

Once before, so very long ago,
I was Warrior, didnt you know?
With shield and sword in my hands,
I went forth to fight in distant Lands!

With trusted brothers by my side,
From no danger ever we shied!
Fighting for what we knew was right,
Fighting for justice with all our Might!

Yet for all the good we ever did,
We may as well have run and hid!
Who's to say whats right or wrong?
Who will remain to sing our Song?

Gone now are my Brothers of Fate,
Gone now in those Wars of Hate!
Battles hard won and battles sadly lost,
For what reason did we pay such a cost?

Friends taken from us before their time,
Bodies broken, left in blood and slime!
Pain, misery and regret were our lot,
But we gave as good as we got!

Time has stripped the strength from my arm,
Time has wracked me with such bloody harm!
Old am I now, my skills have all gone,
Where once they had so brightly shone!

Yet I revel still in memories of what was done,
Of those victories we once won!
What I wouldnt give to feel once more,
The thrill of battle on distant shore!

Suzanne Read
15th November 2010

 This was suggested to me by a poetry monody competition I saw, once I got the first line it seemed to flow with ease from my fingers onto the screen, I hope you liked it!

Facing the Abyss

by ~RavenSummerisle

From yourself you cannot hide,
All the self hate you keep inside,
In agony, alone you must reside,
Knowing in none you can confide!

In the stifling darkness all alone,
Truth, Love and Beauty are not known,
For no sin, yet must you atone,
Face for the world, made of stone!

Life half lived, filled with fear,
No-one else can come near,
No light shines for you to steer,
No-one else be welcome here!

Nothing seems right, all is wrong,
As its been for, Oh, so long,
Feelings inside so very strong,
Different from the milling throng,

Why Me? In agony you cry,
Fit in? You try and try,
Yet with a deeply resigned sigh,
Perhaps its time for me to die!

Shinning blade held against your wrist,
Been here before, too often to list!
Knife held steady in tensioned fist,
You see the picture, you get the gist!

Face the abysss, stand and pray,
Find the strength, then turn away,
Exist once more, if only for today,
There has to be another way!

A path forward becons me,
One small chance lets me see,
A way I can truly become me!
Now, finally, I can be free!

Suzanne Read 16th November 2010
Facing the Abyss recounts the loneliness and horror of having to deal with personal issues that drove me close to suicide in my 20's, dealing with an issue that I'd had as far as I could remember, but none could ever know of, only by coming face to face with the metaphorical abyss could I find the strength to put the knife down and seek help, finding the true reality of who I am and finding a life of happiness, love and things I'd never dreampt possible. I offer it here to try and help those who feel there is no way forwards, that death is their only recourse, I've faced that option, and found it didnt solve anything, strength will come to you when you need it, you can go on!
Ok, thats it for today, will be posting a bit more metaphysical posts in the near future!

Dark Dreams
Suzanne

Have you seen the film Earthlings?

 Lost a balance, then cruelty be sure to happen!

 Nature be red in tooth and claw,

This we know, of this we're sure!

Playing their part, Hunter and Prey,

In darkest hour and on brightest day!

Herne, Cernunnos, Cern and Pan,

Woodland Gods, half beast half man!

Bringing meaning and something more,

To those needed deaths, something pure!

Playing their part the dead doth go,

Their blood taken so others may grow!

Horned One comes to take them home,

Where once more they may roam!

Returning once more to the Spirit,

A part again of the world and all in it!

Birth, life and death all play their part,

As its always been from the very start!

Yet today something is very wrong,

One species has grown far too strong!

Mankind is king of all they survey,

This is all for us, so some say!

Lost a balance, lost our way,

Cruelty happens every day!

Far from the eyes of us most,

Far removed from Sunday Roast!

Harm is done in our name,

And we must all share the blame!

Cheap goods come from questionable sources,

Yet there are other resources!

Only alone can we play our part,

Choosing things with unburdened heart!

Buy from those you can trust,

But only buy if you must!

Reduce your burden on the planet,

You can if you try, come on now damnit!

Other species are also here,

They too should live without fear!

There is nought that can taken for granted,

Not meat on plate or seed you've planted!

Chemicals use now out of control,

Are we signing our death roll?

Permaculture shows a new way to live,

Harvesting what crops willingly give!

Living in harmony day by day,

Surely this is a better way!

If we change the way we live,

Take what is given and freely give!

Respect all life in myriad form,

Treat it well should be the norm!

Pagan world views these may well be,

But this is how it doth feel to me!

The world itself needs none to save,

Its Man who will end up in his grave!

Its time for us to make our choices,

Tis time for us to raise our voices!

Its time for us all to be heard,

Tis time for You to spread the Word!

Suzanne Read

9th November 2010

Surfing the net yesterday evening I came across Damh the Bard's Blog, and reading a post brought me to watch a film for free on the net, not something I usually do, but Earthlings is something the like of which I have never seen before! Beautifully shot, narrated with empathy and feeling, covering a difficult subject in a non-judgemental yet sympathetic way, horrific and thought provoking, its something that all should watch, but I warn you, it is disturbing, visceral and portrays our stewardship of the world and all those Earthlings in it in a way that shames me.

As a person who consideres themselves both Pagan and one who takes personal responsibility for their actions, I feel as though I honour Nature, paying homage to the Gods and Goddesses of the forest, doing my bit to protect the wild and reducing my impact upon the planet (growing as much of our food as is possible, keeping bees, recycling and reusing, etc), plus having an interest in ecological issues and nature, yet after watching this film I have to admit, there is more I can and will do!

I'm not saying I will turn vegetarian (I tried it for a month or so once, it wasnt for me at the time), but I will pay more attention to how the food we buy is produced, how the animals are treated and what respect is shown them as they are killed. I will also pay homage to the life that was given in order to feed me, paying respect and using it fully! I know I can live without meat, but a part of my own Truth is that I take responsibility for the death, something I have done in the past to remove a pest (rabbits on the allotment) in a humane way and to use the animal fully once it returned home with us! This may not be for all, nor should it be, but for me it was an important part of acknowledging who I am and my place in the world.

I will also look closer at what clothing and other goods I buy, cheap leather is something I will look at deeply, if I am not happy with how its been produced, then it will no longer be for me! Other goods we normally buy are from sustainable sources whenever possible, but now I think I'd rather do without if its been produced in a way I cannot condone!

I am not saying that others should do the same, nor feel obliged in any way, its up to you to make your own choices, its up to you to use your voices! Yet if you do watch this film, then be prepared to have your eyes forced wider open, not all these practices happen everywhere, there are those who respect and humanely treat their livestock, and its towards these as enlightened consumers that we should turn, I know our Pagan pounds are hard earned, and wont go as far compared to the cheapest food from the supermarkets, but to my mind its a price we have to pay!

http://www.earthlings.com/earthlings/video-full.php

Dark Dreams
Suzanne

A return to the mundane........ feeling disconcerted!

Greetings once more Seeker, today you find me feeling disconnected / disconcerted / discontented, disorientated and feeling as though more than my Path needs to change within my life! For the past 2 weeks I've been on holiday, time to relax, time for a trip away to Glastonbury and to reconnect with the Old Ones, and time to plan with fellow walkers of the Crooked Path, friends all, fantastic times, optomism, drive and personal power were evident though every waking moment, yet today I returned to work, talk about a come down!

For the past 2 weeks I've been living fully aware as a Witch for every single moment (regaining a connection at a deeper level than I normally maintain), feeling a palpable connection and having the luxury of being able to focus completely on what was being brought forth, yet today I returned to the mundane world of work, finding my attention being pulled in too many ways all at the same time!

The day started with my morning commute, only 20 miles, and usually 20 mins, but today it was 45 mins (good job I set off with plenty of time) as the rain and roadworks slowed everyone down to a crawl!

Arriving at the branch to open up, running across the car park and standing in the cold, wet and windy weather whilst opening the shutters and doors left to chilled and wet, perhaps someone trying to tell me that I should be doing something else?

My team have done a good job in many ways during my absence, the store looks ok, the sales and KPI's have been excellent, yet there's plenty they havent managed to do, and one person in particular left a message that tells me he isnt happy at the staff levels, at the fact we're soo short staffed that the shoplifters are having a field day. Much as I want to agree with his suggestions, bulk up the shop floor coverage and have more staff, I also appreciate that we have set 'rota principles' we have to follow, and 'wage spend budgets' that have to be met, were we to follow our hearts and increase the coverage it would soon result in my being disciplined for overspending on the wages, a crazy situation, but one I cant do anything about!

 Walking in to the branch this morning to find it reasonably tidy was good, but then finding that none of the admin seems to have been done, and possibly 1 week of the wages overtime hasnt been authorised, plus a million and one other things that our head office wants doing still to do meant I was overwhelmed by the worklist in front of me! I found myself almost unable to decide what to attend to first, it took me some time to get my focus and plough into it, I know many will say, thats just the 'returning from holiday lurgy', but it felt like more than that to me.

Dont get me wrong, I usually enjoy my job, I've been with my current company for almost 23 years, rising to run my own branch in the last 5 years, but whereas I enjoy certain aspects of the job, the current demands of the bosses to par everything back to the bone and maximise profits (especially where staffing levels are concerned) just doesnt feel right to me. I am customer focussed, I dont believe folks should have to queue or have to search for someone to help them, yet this seems now to have become the norm within the company. My current branch is far better than my previous one, as its a smaller size, so easier to run on the current staff levels, but if you have 1 off (for holidays or due to sickness) then its almost impossible to do anything but serve customers and the very basics of keeping the shop running! We are constantly firefighting, not being proactive and business focussed, not driving it like we would if we had just a little more staff coverage!

Coming home was another nightmare, traffic queues for 6 miles, what should be a 20 minute journey took an hour and 35 minutes, ok, the time wasnt wasted, Damh the Bard CD playing (I listened to it twice almost) and time spent talking with several of the Gods (the traffic being Pan's practical joke perhaps? He definitely seemed to find it amusing anyhows! Lol!), but what a waste of energy, time and lifeforce!

If I'm honest to myself, my heart really isnt in my job anymore, whereas once it was a consumming passion, something I would look forwards to doing every day, working countless unpaid hours and going in on my day off, nowadays my enthusiasm has been tempered by the actions of those who care for nothing but the bottom line! Its become a job, nothing more and nothing less, I do what I have to, work the hours (and then some) and then look forwards to going home at the end of my shift, not something normal for me!

I know I still have my connection, my feet are place firmly on my Path (as they have been for the past 10 years plus), akin to riding 2 bareback horses, 1 foot on each of them, 1 foot in the mundane and 1 foot in the otherworld, the magical realm, able to equally focus my mind and intent, yet this no longer seems enough, I long to walk my Path full time, to do something that allows me to retain my connection first and foremost for all of my days, yet what to do?

Ideally we would both like our own smallholding, preferably one with a self build earth sheltered eco home (such as the one in the photo at the beginning of todays post), heated by wood harvested from our own trees, powered by solar, wind and water, food provided by our own fruit and veg and livestock, some income from selling excess produce and perhaps having a few yurts to let out as holiday venues and working part time to garner enough income to allow a reasonable standard of living, living sustainably with the planet rather than being the mass consumers that our way of life makes us! I know it would not be an easy life (nothing worthwhile ever is), plenty of discomfort, worry, hard graft and potential catastrophes, but it would be living in a way that would give a fabulous connection to the Land, that would allow us to live as Witch every waking moment!

We could (if we sold up) afford to buy 5 or 7 acres of agricultural land, which would be enough for us to live on and be almost totally self sufficient, but you cant build on agricultural land without planning permission, and it is highly unlikely to be granted, buying land with planning permission is way too expensive, so after buying the farm land we'd still need somewhere to live, which then means big mortgage or rent, which means 5 or 7 acres wouldnt be enough to pay for it, so at present we're stuck in a catch 22 situation!

Which means unless our circumstances change (perhaps the Gods will see fit to grant us that Lottery Jackpot win, Lol!), I'm stuck with having to continue with my job and continuing with a life split between the grind of the mundane and the joy of shared connection to the Old Ones!

Ah well, perhaps the Old Gods will decide whats for the best, perhaps the daily grind is something they find amusing or a necessary part of my Path, forcing me to split my focus, bringing me to know myself deeper through conflict within and without, testing my mettle and commitment by placing obstacles in my way, who knows, I dont, but perhaps they do!

I will end today with a poem I wrote, inspired partially by the dream of living an ecologically sound life in our own earthsheltered ecohome, on our own smallholding and partially by the craziness of the Uk's planning regulations (We want sustainable development, but not at the expense of bending the rules!)

Making a Stand?

Walking the path that calls to my soul,

Recalled again to play my Role,

Living a life rooted in the Old Ways,

Learning once more for all of my days!

Finding my way along the crooked path,

Sorting wisdom from chiff and chaff,

Living a life rooted in the Land,

Yet yearning for more, to make a stand!

The Land calls me forth to live a greener life,

Sustainable and self sufficient, with all its strife,

Earthen Sheltered I wish a home for me,

Yet without money its not to be!

Short-sighted rules of those who planned,

Keep us chained to a life that’s killing the Land!

Profitable decisions rule the day,

Yet in the long run its All who will pay!

Greenhouse Emissions out of control,

Melting Icecaps at the Pole!

The black gold is running out,

Civilisation is now at it's last shout!

Legacy of past riches squandered away,

For the price of a life lived at play!

Culture of Greed is how most now live,

For tomorrow not one thought most now give!

Yet there is still another way....

Living in harmony, day by day!

Reclaiming our connection with the Land,

Is it now time to make our Stand?

Land is owned by so very few,

But with it, most know not what to do!

Called forth, a new Vision we need to see!

One that’s fair and allows all to Be!

Communities once more come to the fore,

Building together, living within the Lore!

Regaining the connections that once were Ours,

Reclaiming again those once lost Powers!

Land enough to grow and farm,

Living a life with minimal harm!

Reclaiming the skills of times long gone past,

Building a future that’s bound to last!

Managing the Land through permaculture,

Safeguarding the Land for all our Future!

Sustainable building from local resources,

Allowing Nature to run her courses!

Technology yet still has its place,

But it needs a human face!

Not the God of corporate greed,

But as a tool, us to feed!

Learn well the lessons of the past,

Build things that are made to last and last!

Choose to work on a human scale,

Pass on the word with Your Tale!

If we choose to make a Stand,

We still can save the Land!

Its up to you to choose you're Fate!

Act Now, before its too late!

Suzanne Read

Samhain 2010

Thanks for reading!

Dark Dreams

Suzanne